Bigger on the inside
by Interface
Summary: Written from the Doctor's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

When you live as long as I do you have that certain cynicism, that only years of watching the growing darkness can instill in you. Not only a cynicism about life, but about people, places, motives, emotions... Love. Which is why when I met her, I could not believe the exchange of information which had clearly taken place between us. An exchange that I had not yet taken part in. Even now as I watch her sculpted figure moving gracefully around my Tardis I still cannot recall the very first time I laid eyes on her curly blonde locks, her full and inviting lips, her wonderfully toned body begging for expert exploration that only a Time Lord could provide. And that's because my first encounter with Professor River Song had not yet taken place. When would she rage into my life like the oncoming storm that 'I' was? When would she leap from a spaceship not knowing that I would be there to catch her? Or would she merely be one of those faces? Someone you casually bump into in a crowded street, exchange a look of disgust at the rudeness and then continue on? Recalling their expression repeatedly afterwards with pure indignation... Knowing that the next time you saw them you would quite happily express that disgust. Only to find out much later, that they would turn out to be the most,_ the most_ important thing in your universe, important to you if noone else. I look at her now and I can't help but smile, I smile like no one else has ever made me smile before. Not even...

Rose.

She had been special. And I had honoured that part of my life by giving a part of me to her. Old face, old feelings, old me.

Rose was my past, but River... River was my undeniable future. All the future I could possibly want or need. My future as far ahead as my Tardis could travel. Past the stars and beyond... To the end of the universe... And trust me... We've been.

Stretching my legs out in front of me I considered my worn out boots, the scuffs and scrapes. I can recall the cause of each of them, every heart stopping moment. Moments dangerous enough that they were able to pause both of my hearts, at least for a second anyway. I stand to remove the heavy tweed jacket from my person and rest it, neatly folded beside me.

"Anything wrong my love?"

Her soft smooth voice eased the silence that had grown between us. I closed my eyes in a slow blink, the tone soothed me, it took away my worries, my thoughts, my demons.

"Sweetie?"

Ah, there it was. Her favourite nickname for me, when I heard that word. That simple word. All fear left me and I knew she was with me once more. All feelings of being completely lost vanished. She would be there once more to tackle whatever mission she had embarked upon. A mission she was guaranteed to drag me into, every, single, time. I shook my head slowly, smiling at her with all the warmth I contained,

"Nothing," I uttered quietly, "Nothing's wrong"

With a casual shrug of her shoulders she turned with a flick of those curls back to the controls. I watched her a few minutes more, unable to blink, unable to think, unable to move, hardly able to breathe.

When you live for as long as I do. And travel as far as I do. And live alone for as long as I did... Eventually... Eventually... You realise... That you need someone.

Someone to laugh with,

Someone to talk with,

Someone to stay up all night with,

Someone to watch stars sail by and burn out with,

Someone to watch a comet fly by or to hang over a supernova with.

Someone to just...

Someone to love.

I've never loved anyone before.

After 900 years I didn't think i was meant to love anyone. But here I am, with River, in the Tardis. At last. Someone with knowledge to rival my own. Someone demanding and in control. The someone that I desperately needed in my life. To save me from myself if nothing else.

Professor River Song.

My River Song.


	2. Chapter 2

Admittedly it took me a while to adjust to having River around. Our encounters haven't exactly been normal... And never chronological, discovering what she knew and what didn't was hard work, even for me.

It was a difficult decision to make inviting her to stay with me, permanently. The laws of Time and Space aren't there to be broken, that said, I'm the last lord of time... So my word goes... For now at least. Plus I couldn't exactly leave her there in the 51st Century... Again. No... That hadn't been an option.

I ran my fingers back through my hair, not the most stylish of cuts but regenerations had been known to create worse. I counted my blessings... All eleven of them... No... All twelve of them. With this last regeneration I had gained an additional part of me, I'd gained River, my other half.

She slid gracefully into the seat beside me, began tangling her fingers in my hair, undoing my attempt at grooming it.

"Sweetie..." her soft spoken words in my ear sent a shiver through my being.

"River..." I replied calmly not allowing her effect on me to show. I stared casually but firmly into her crystal clear eyes with a cool confidence that I didn't naturally carry when in the company of a beautiful woman. She considered me for a moment, weighing me up I should imagine, as women often did when giving 'the look' which was usually closely followed up by either 'the talk' or 'the question'.

"Sweetie..." I said sternly. What could possibly be wrong now? She'd usually blurted out her current want or need by now. She was beginning to unnerve me. I hoped it didn't show on my face...

"Now I know what you said last time but..."

"No," I said calmly, "You know I'm never going to agree to it. Never" I turned my body away from her pointedly. I knew now exactly what her request was. It was the same one. It had been the same for days now. She'd been invited to lead an expedition. An expedition... To the Library.

"Ohh sweetie don't be like that. What could possibly go wrong?"

I glared at her. I couldn't be angry with her but how those words grated on my patience.

"I've told you... No"

Of course she had no idea of the terrible fate that lurked in the shadows of that damned place. I was that certain that regardless of the knowledge I could provide her with that River wouldn't consider altering any more intricately placed time events. We'd already stolen more than we deserved. We'd had years together, grasped them straight out of the cosmos. Years that should never have happened. I felt a huge knot in my stomach. There were hundreds of reasons for her to stay, and a million more reasons for her to finally surcome to the fate laid out for her, and an expedition which would inevitably take her life.

River was honest and kind hearted, determined and hard working, extremely clever... Beautiful. I knew she felt guilty thinking of the time we'd borrowed. Her hurt expression was more than I could bare. I wanted to throw my arms around her, cry into her soft curls, tell her everything.

Spoilers.

I turned from her once more, if I had to look into those eyes for a second longer I'd bend... And surely break.


	3. Chapter 3

I stood in the open doorway of the Tardis, shoulder leaning against the hard wooden frame. I inhaled the clear air from the air corridor which had been created for my use. The stars glistened and sparkled like a thousand diamonds laid out on a black velvet sheet. It was cold so I tucked my shivering hands into my deep trouser pockets. The universe was frequently kind and beautiful, everything you could ever want, and yet it could be so cruel. I'd saved more people and planets and races than I could even begin to count. This was my payment. Facing the rest of my existence without the one person, the one human whom I had connected with on the deepest level. Suddenly the time I had stolen seemed like nothing compared to the years of loneliness I faced. The lonely traveller. The last of my kind, destined to lead the loneliest life in history. I sighed. A long heavy sigh that did nothing to relieve the enormous weight from my heart... Sorry... Hearts.

Something wet streaked my cheek. Not a tear surely. A hand to my face confirmed the presence of a tear. I'd developed emotions beyond comprehension since being with River. Emotions had always been my weakness, the inability to be cruel and ruthless. Always held over a barrel when enemies captured innocent people, I couldn't watch an innocent person die. Neither could I stand to hear the sound of children crying.

Sometimes people could be saved.

Sometimes they couldn't.

River could be saved. I knew it.

"Beautiful isn't it.." I said quietly sensing her behind me. I turned slowly standing straight removing myself from the door frame. Her eyes were red, her cheeks blotchy. She looked sadly at me for a moment. I tried not show any emotion. Her lips quivered. It killed me to hurt her like this. I wanted so badly to explain that I was saving her. I slid my hands out of my pockets, they hung uselessly at my sides as I continued to meet her stare. My hearts almost broke as she burst into uncontrollable sobs. Her legs began to buckle. I stepped into her and held her firmly against my chest. Her tears soaked through my shirt. They were warm... They burned. Her arms gripped me tightly, she held fistfuls of my shirt in her hands.

I looked up into the ceiling lights, my mouth opened in an attempt to choke back the tears I could feel welling up within me. She wanted this chance to lead the expedition more than anything. She'd spoken of nothing else for weeks.

"River..."

"You hateful man!" she cried suddenly hammering hard on my chest. I struggled and fought to keep her arms from beating upon me. I finally gained control of her wrists, I looked desperately into her unhappy face. Her eyes refused to meet mine. When they did she knew I had finally broken. My eyes had not been able to contain the emotion inside of me. My cheeks were once more streaked with tears.

"Go if you have to," I whispered, "But I need for you to do as I tell you... I need to give you instructions for when you get there"

It was all I could do to help her now. To give her the best possible chance of survival and to give me at least a glimmer of hope that she'd escape unharmed.


	4. Chapter 4

"This is for you," I sighed sliding the improved MK9 sonic screwdriver across the kitchen table, "... And this..." I added removing my psychic paper from my pocket, "If you need anything... If you need me... I'll come for you"

"You worry too much," River smiled rotating the screwdriver in her hands, "Its just an empty library it's only..."

"River..." I had to make her stop talking. I sighed, I had no idea what to say now that I'd brought silence over the table. I open my mouth to begin again, promptly closing it when the words failed to come to me. I pushed the paper further towards her until she laid her hand upon it and pulled it to rest in front of her. I stared down at the table, absentmindedly scratching into the grain with my nail.

"Doctor... Are you alright?" Her words lifted me from the rift into which I was falling. Her hands reached across the table, taking hold of mine tightly, "I could stay... If you prefer..."

"No" I snatched my hands away.

It came out so fast though I wanted her to stay more than anything. It was too much to bare knowing that soon I would be saying goodbye to River Song... Forever. I stood, shoving my chair back roughly, it screamed across the laminated floor. I had to be alone. My boots seemed to thunder against the floor as I strode away from her.

I resided in the console room. Not exactly private but, far enough away from her to allow myself time to breath. I had been suffocating in my own selfishness. I tucked one knee up to my chest as I perched myself on the small sofa. My heel dug into the cushy material, and seemed to dig in harder the more my emotions unravelled. I hugged my knee tightly and stared blankly at the controls.

'Not those times Doctor. Not one line. Don't you dare'

Her voice echoed around me. Forbidding me to alter the intricate threads of time. It was tearing me apart. I couldn't change the event of the Library. For a start I would already be there... I knew that River would ask me to join her in that dead forest. And I would answer her call, as I always did. But not, me. To cross my own path would surely create a paradox... Wouldn't it? I couldn't risk being the cause of the collapse of the universe... Again. Though I had previously collided with myself. Nothing terrible had come of it... Except the collision with the Titanic. What an eventful Christmas that had been...

River meant more to me than any universe, more than any parallel, more than any paradox. My face broke into a smile as I recalled the day we'd made it all happen. Unable to give her a ring I had instead invited her 'into' a ring. I had Given her the key to the Tardis, the key to my life; and my heart... Sorry... Hearts.

_"Oh Doctor," she cried throwing her arms around my neck. I stumbled slightly as she swung from me. My face hurt from the stupid grin plastered upon it._

_"There's something else," I said._

_"Ooh," she gasped as I pulled her body firmly against mine. I tucked her soft curls behind her ear before leaning down to whisper to her._

What I whispered cannot be repeated. There was only River who would ever hear the deepest secret I possessed.

_She tensed in my arms, her hands gripped my shoulders tightly._

_"Doctor... I..."_

_"There's only one time I could ever tell anyone," I breathed thinking of the small ceremony we'd just had in Darillium. I smiled, "This is it..."_

A stabbing pain in my palms shrugged the cloudy daydream from me. I looked down. I'd clenched my fists closed so tightly that my nails had dug deep into my skin.

A rush of emotions suddenly flooded through me. She wouldn't die in that god forsaken Library! Because I was the Doctor... And River was my wife. And nothing... _NOTHING_... Would hurt her. Okay... Okay... Breathe I told myself standing quickly. I had to... To tell her how I felt... She made me so happy, just as much now as the day we'd married. Maybe even more.

"I love you..." I whispered fingers rushing through my hair, "I love you... I... Love you. I love you... I love you... I LOVE YOU!" I cried spinning on the spot. She was stood there.

"Well that's nice dear"

I stood frozen with embarrassment as she stepped past me, her footsteps clanked on the metal floor as her hands worked the console. I clenched my eyes shut, let my arms fall from their raised and outstretched position. I cursed silently at myself.

"Okay. So I'll be off then"

I turned.

"You're going... Now?" I asked checking my watch, she'd landed the Tardis in her favourite century. Working the last of the controls she looked up at me.

"Yes"

My eyes darted around the console room, "But you could have gone anytime... Any... Time" I uttered in deflated protest. My arms flapped uselessly at my sides.

"Sweetie the sooner I go. The sooner I get to come back to that... Handsome face of yours... Which reminds me. Don't do anything stupid like getting yourself regenerated" She stepped up to me gripping the back of my head tightly, "I love that bow tie on you," she whispered before forcing her mouth against mine. She released me roughly. I reached to the back of my head to make sure all my hair was still there.

"Who are you... What did you do with my wife?"


	5. Chapter 5

I pressed my fingers around my bow tie suspiciously. It did occur to me that she was trying to make me feel better about her departure. That didn't stop me from blurting out my next statement.

"You hate my bow tie..."

She smiled at me knowingly. Gathering a few items from the console, hallucinogenic lipstick, hair pins... It had turned into a right old vanity unit.

"I won't be gone long, five minutes for you if you meet me at home"

"But sweetie..." I insisted following her around as she piled my arms full of items she was to take with her.

"Look," she turned around quickly pointing a delicate finger square between my eyes, "You'll change your mind if I don't go now... I know you will... You did the last time. And look where we ended up!"

"But... But sweetie..."

_Yes alright we'd ended up on a garbage planet through my hurried attempt to alter the Tardis coordinates. It had taken three days of digging through the growing pile of rubbish before we could get the Tardis free._ I rolled my eyes before striding after her quickly.

"It was an accident, a slip of a handle..."

She was throwing piles of her clothes into the open 'Tardis Inspired' suitcase on our bed. It was bigger on the inside of course.

"Sweetie... River..." I gently grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look a me, "Stay," I sighed, "Stay the night... Please..."

"One night," she warned me. I'd just begun an enormous party in my mind, fireworks were exploding and everyone was invited, then she continued her sentence, "I'm not staying in here though..."

"Why not ?" I frowned..._ Party over._

"You'll run off with me that's why!"

_Party waay over_, I glared at her indignantly "I would not!"

Truth is, that's exactly what I'd do. Inside I cursed her womanly intuitions. I'd moved the Tardis on her once before... And I'd definitely do it again. I just didn't want to let her go. It was simple.

"So... I'll be staying...?"

"... In Dave's quarters..."

"Dave's quarters...," I repeated after her sarcastically, "Of course... Couldn't possibly expect to spend the night with my wife..."

Brilliant... Lucky me... A night of hearing some human... Dave-person snoring all night. Indignant didn't quite describe my feelings right now. I have one of those manners you see. People think that being a Time Traveller, that you'll sleep anywhere, sharing with anyone... Or anything. And that you don't care either way. Well frankly, I cared. I was getting rapidly annoyed with her flippant attitude.

Yes. Alright. She had no idea... That she going die! But I did. And if this was to be my last night with my wife... Then surely... We should be in the same god damned room! My temper sky rocketed from angry to irrational. I grabbed her case the second she'd sealed it. I carried it, against all her cries of protest to the Tardis doors. With both hands I launched it outside into the corridor of ship we'd landed inside of.

"What was that for?" she yelled at me.

"Goodbye River" I lifted her over my shoulder and placed her casually as you like in the corridor before returning to the Tardis and slamming the door shut with a smart crack. I heard her key struggling into the lock. With my screwdriver I deadlocked the doors. My hair sailed about wildly. My jacket flew behind me as I whirled up to the console and slammed down the dematerialisation lever.

I don't know what came over me. As the Tardis began to obey and that familiar noise seeped into my mind, I realised what I'd done. I went cold. My voice broke and failed me as I yelled at the time machine. I pulled every lever, threw every switch, slammed my hand on every button.

"No!" I yelled, " Take me back! I... I didn't mean it! Take me back! Take me back! Please! Listen to me! Listen to me!" I sobbed over the controls as the Tardis sailed through the stars, "Ri... River..." I stammered through the tears, "No..."

She was gone. I'd done it. I'd sent her to The Library. To die.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author: For anyone reading 'A Time to Love' delay on the next chapter due to the file corrupting. It'll be updated soon. **

"You did what?" the sharp Scottish accent snapped at me. I held my head in my hands unable to look into her furious eyes, "Doctor! Look at me when I'm speaking to you!" I dragged my sorry eyes from the floor. A sharp slap cracked across my cheek. I froze with shock, breath knocked straight out of me. What could I say? I deserved it.

"What. Is wrong with you? Look at you! Do something!" she half screamed hysterically at me.

I looked at her in mild puzzlement. If I knew what to do I would not be sat here in front of the Scottish, Red headed, extremely vocal and untameable Amy Pond.

Amelia Pond.

Inside I smiled. I loved that fairytale name. Shame she hadn't hung onto it. That had been a great name.

"Amy..." I began.

"Don't! ... Don't even go there!" she cried; her hand shooting up into a 'stop' position, "I don't want to hear it!"

"But..."

"Doctor... She's your wife! If you'd have thrown me out into some space ship after my suitcase I'd have bloody killed you!"

"Amy I..."

"What's wrong with you!" her arms flailed as she yelled at me. Her hair swished wildly about her face. Her angry green eyes glared at me. This was scarier than facing a Dalek. My hearts beat steadily faster the more I heard her voice yelling at me. Though they sank deeper down into my body the more she explained the sheer insensitivity that I had demonstrated towards River. I began to withdraw into my mind, her voice steadily becoming fainter until it was no more than a muffled sound.

Images of River flashed in front of my eyes. Her cries as I'd launched her suitcase from my Tardis. Her hurt expression as I'd turned to leave her. I could hear now the frantic scraping of her key in lock as she'd tried to return inside. I felt my eyes shut tightly.

"Doctor..." Amy's voice

My hearts were racing. I was trying, reaching, searching for the Tardis doors. To open them and to grant River entry, but I was sinking, quickly.

"Doctor..."

I saw Amy's green eyes peering worriedly into mine; panic radiated from them.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked; her eyes now narrowed.

I felt as though I'd been hit by a bus. What in the universe had happened? I could barely even sleep never mind space out to that extent. I stared up at her; my eyes must have as wide as a deer's peering into oncoming headlights.

"Never better," I lied with a murmur.

"Did you even listen to a word I said?" she asked in her dangerous tone. Again I stared up at her. No point in lying. I hadn't heard a word.

My collar tightened suddenly, I was being dragged collar first towards my Tardis which was parked neatly at the bottom of my former companion's bed.

"Doctor!" she yelled, "Get in there and go to River! If I don't stop you from ruining your future then who will!"

She forced me inside, my feet moved too quickly and tripped over the small step. Fingers still tightly curled around the material she dragged me up to the console.

"Now," she sighed, "Do it..."

"Do what?" I felt to the back of my neck, she'd pinched the skin there so hard I was surprised I had any left.

"Your thing," she replied briskly, "With the buttons and... stuff" She flicked her hair back impatiently and stood over me until I had done my work. Had I ever been to a human school I imagine this is what it would feel like with a teacher stood over you, making sure you did things correctly. Once finished I stopped to look up at her. How humiliating to have a woman who was not my wife, order me around in such a manner. But she was Amy Pond, and this was her way. One eye narrowed slightly as I watched her stride back to the open doorway, "I'll know if you don't do this Doctor," she added before closing the door with a click.

I stared at the door. I wanted nothing more than just bury my head in the sand. Take Amy on adventure to worlds we had not been able to visit the last time she had travelled with me. I wanted to forget the unforgivable things I'd done. Old age had turned me ruthless... cold. I pulled the lever.

My legs had taken me to the Tardis doors. I lay a hand on the cold wood, rested my cheek against the door. I knew she'd be there. I could feel her warmth seeping through to me. I could feel her cheek against mine. I pulled the door inwards and she was there. We didn't speak. There was nothing to say.


	7. Chapter 7

They were positioned around a long rectangular steel table. I recognised each of them. Even when I closed my eyes I heard them. Their voices. Ghosts. I heard them ghosting. Their last thoughts channelled through the intricate workings of the neural relay communicators. I fixed my stare upon River. We still hadn't spoken to each other. Not one word. Not one syllable. Not even a shared sigh. She led the discussions waving her hands casually, giving instructions, laying down the law as it were. Her voice was a muffled hum to my ears. I didn't need to listen to what she was saying. Her body language spoke volumes to me. She couldn't even look at me. I felt guilty even looking at her.

I had perched myself upon a large container at the edge of the room, just beyond where the light above the table could reach. My face was thankfully under the cover of the shadows. I felt my eyebrows tightening into a frown, anything to stop the tears from coming.

My boots were suddenly very interesting. Scuffed, slightly dirty, worn soles... they'd done a lot of running. And they would do a lot more, of that I was certain. They were a poor distraction. A small splash landed on the toe of my right boot. The tiny beads slid down the front of it and soaked into the stitching. I'd had enough. I couldn't let her see. I couldn't. The Doctor didn't cry. The Doctor didn't... Well... I didn't do a lot of things. Not in front of people anyway. Crying was not something I did as a rule. I pressed my flat palm to my face and swept the next tear away. Stupid emotions. Sometimes I could see how logical the Cybus effort was. Emotions were powerful enough to destroy a man.

I slid as quietly as I could from the container. My boots made a light tap against the metal floor. I wiped the remaining moisture from my cheeks with a casual flick of my sleeve. I'd barely taken three paces when,

"Sweetie"

I froze. My mind suddenly grinded into action, 'Sweetie' I mouthed to myself. Oh yeah... Of course... I froze even more firmly as realisation suddenly burst into my life. She called me sweetie? After all I'd done? I dared to turn. She was looking at me, but she definitely wasn't smiling. I gave her a meaningful 'what?' expression. What could she possibly want from me now?

"Don't you want to listen to this?" she asked. I frowned now in pure puzzlement.

"What for?"

"You'll need to be briefed if we're going into the library..."

"River... Please..." I shook my head and continued my exit. Not as quietly as I'd planned it. I knew why she wanted me to be there all of a sudden. Adventure and discovery did have a habit of bringing us closer. I could feel their eyes burning into my back until the door slid automatically shut behind me.

Naturally I headed straight for my sanctuary. My Tardis. We'd been through everything the Tardis and I. It was hard to believe she wasn't actually mine. Still, how could I take her back now? We'd bonded. Like River and I. We'd bonded. And no matter how irrational or angry I got, I'd never take her home unless she asked to be taken. I'd never leave her and walk away, and if I did I'd only get a second away before I came straight back, bursting with apologies, begging forgiveness. Though I hadn't begged for forgiveness yet... Then again, she hadn't given me the chance to. I suspected her invitation to the Library was her way of getting the ball rolling on the communication front.

I yawned my way to the controls. Stood for a minute... just yawning at them. The life of a Time Traveller was such hard work. Shame there wasn't actually any designated 'Sleep Time'. I don't recall ever sleeping... A folded white suit and helmet flopped onto the console in front of me. I paused in mid-stretch and stared blankly at it a moment before turning my attention to the beautiful woman beside me.

"What's that for then?" I asked lifting the corner of the material before letting it fall to rest in its neatly folded pile.

"For the library," she replied simply.

Oh this woman...

"River... Sweetie..." I could hardly bring myself to choke the words out, "I'm not coming to the Library with you"

I could see the sadness in her eyes. Not the same sadness I'd seen when I'd left her. That sadness had been mixed with anger and hurt. The sadness I saw now ran deep. Deeper than anything I'd felt before.

"I can't," I whispered, "It's complicated. You have the psychic paper; just promise me you'll use it. I'll come for you if you need me"

"But I thought that..."

"I point and laugh at Archaeologists River. I'd hate it on that spaceship anyway" I added shrugging off any more pleas for me to go to the Library. I stared at her for a moment. She stared right back, without a blink. There was nowhere else that would feel this much at home. I felt warm and at ease. I savoured it. I'd never feel this way again, "Professor River Song," I smiled, "All of Time and Space. What a laugh it's been. There's just one thing left for you to do now..." I stepped into her, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist. Breathed in the scent of her soft curls. Felt her warm body against mine. For the last time, "... Run..." I whispered into her ear. Warm wet tears squeezed between our cheeks. I couldn't tell anymore, which were mine and which were hers.

And that was the last time I saw River Song alive.


	8. Chapter 8

It was definitely quiet without River. No more wondering when she was going to pop back into my life. Even the Tardis seemed to miss her presence. It had been uncooperative when I had attempted to leave River on that spaceship. The engines had grinded slowly and reluctantly into action... it had made noises that I had never heard before. The only possible explanation for noises like those was simply that the Tardis was crying. If indeed the Time Machine was capable of such an action.

We must have looked a right pair sailing sadly through the stars.

I stood at the open doorway. Hands tucked in my pockets... Looking down on the Library planet.

You know exactly what I'm thinking now... don't you?

Don't get me wrong... It was tempting. Swooping down... and carrying the woman I loved to safety. Even sounds quite simple right? ... Wrong.

Events like this are far too complex and intricate to just go parading around in. I could charge in there like a bull in a china shop, cause absolute chaos... rescue River and as a result, cause some unstoppable snowball effect in which the whole Universe would crumble and explode into a million dust particles... But let's not get too ahead of ourselves.

I raised my left wrist to eye level, examined the small gold watch. By now River would have already sent the message on the psychic paper. I would already be there.

I hoped that maybe my past self would be quicker at realising that I had hidden River's neural relay within her Screwdriver. No harm in hoping. I hoped that I would also be more resilient to River's nifty left hook. Unlikely but again... Hope... especially at times like this, was a good emotion to hang on to.

Impatience... Now that was a whole new ball game. I hadn't noticed before that every muscle in my body was tensed, as I watched the now not so silent library. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was not good for me to watch, I couldn't draw my eyes from the planet below. It wasn't every day that you got to watch yourself at work. I reached into my jacket pocket... feeling past all the gadgets stored away inside. When I was in almost up to my elbow my fingers finally found the item of interest to me.

Binoculars.

A morbid curiosity you may think... but what if I'd done the impossible... what if time would be changed here in front of my eyes? My attempt to see anything remotely relevant naturally failed, even after I increased the lens strength to allow myself to see even the shelves holding the books.

"Useless..." I breathed letting the small black binoculars drop to the floor. I lowered myself to sit beside where they rested, hung my legs out of the Tardis, swung them in the cold air corridor.

It would be easy for me to venture to library after I'd left with Donna. But I needed to keep River alive in my mind for as long as I possibly could. Watching the events from here was the only way. I knew she was alive down there. I sighed, a long heavy sigh. I suppose this is how everyone feels when they get left behind. The waiting... was excruciatingly painful.

I picked the binoculars up again lazily, brought them up to my eyes. Huffed as I panned the terrain, the books, the shelves, the people, the... the people? I lent so far forward I nearly fell from the Tardis. It had been a clean download.

"Ohh," I cried scrambling back. My trousers scraped across the floor as I pushed back, unable to get to my feet quickly enough.

Maybe she was alive.

I raced to the controls, forgot to shut the doors. A sharp click of my fingers soon fixed that as I worked away. I felt excitement building up inside of me. As I pushed and pulled the controls I couldn't help it. Even the extremely high chance that time had indeed gone along its natural course didn't dampen my spirits.

I burst out of the Tardis doors into the central control room. I saw the handcuffs, one half still around the metal beam. I stopped dead, crouched down to nudge them with my fingertip. This was not what I'd hoped for. I raised a shaking hand to my head, balling it into a fist as I lent my forehead on it.

"No," I whispered dropping onto my knees. I couldn't turn around. The main computer was just behind me. The chair. _That_ chair. The wires. The headset. The countdown. River, "No... No... No No No... No! NO! NO!" The force of my fist against the beam rattled through my whole body, "No..."

There was no choking back these tears. I gripped my hair tightly, curled into a sobbing ball of wibbly wobbly Time Lordy... stuff. My tears blinded me as I crawled across to where River had sat. Through my blurry vision I could see the white suit sat limp in the chair. Wiping the tears away I staggered up.

She was slumped in the chair, leaning to left, head hung down. In her lap the plugs were still connected.

"O... Oh... River..."

Words failed me. The only apparent wounds were small burn marks on her skin, under the prongs of the headset. The damage was internal. My hands shook as I reached up to remove the crown of metal from her head. The wires, charred and broken, fell apart as I held it. I let it fall with a clatter to the floor.

"Ri... River..." I stammered putting my hand to rest on her cheek. She was very hot to the touch, her skin, still as soft as ever, "Riv... Ri... River I'm here. Please... Please wake up" I pushed back the few curls that fell down over her face. She looked so beautiful with her hair that way, "Please River... Just wake up... Please" I begged and begged for her to wake up. Gripped the material of her suit tightly. Half crouched half slouched against the base of the chair. Holding onto her for dear life. I couldn't let her go. I didn't want to let her go.

"Sweetie..."

My head shot up. Her voice... her...

"Sweetie? Are you there?"

She was ghosting.

"Sweetie? ... Sweetie... Are you there?"

"I... I'm here River. Sweetie I'm here..."

"Hello Sweetie... Sweetie... Look at you... You're young... Sweetie? ... Thank you... For coming when I call... Hello Sweetie..."

It was more than I could take. I held onto her as tightly as I could, listening to her soft, sweet voice... Ghosting.

"I'm here River. You're okay. I'm here... It's going to be alright"


	9. Chapter 9

I held onto to her for as long as I could. So long that my tears had dried out. But her ghosting continued. Only one light had gone out on the small communicator. I reached to examine it. I didn't want her to go... No... I was thankful that her consciousness was so strong.

I wanted her to stay as long as possible... Selfish... I know.

But this was a very long time for a consciousness to survive... suspicious even...

I recalled what Anita had mentioned on the expedition when Miss Evangelista had started Ghosting.

'... Went on for three days... talking about his shoelaces...'

I looked sadly at River's peaceful face. I couldn't let this go on for three days... no matter how much I loved her. The time would come when I would have to say goodbye. No matter when that time came along, the pain felt would be equally as harsh. I was sure I had heard all the avenues of thought that her consciousness could explore. She hadn't ghosted anything new in over an hour now. It was the kind thing to do, though it sent shuddering twinges of guilt through my body. I held onto the communicator tightly. Took a deep breath. Tensed, ready to pull...

"Pa... Pa... Pan..."

My eyes darted to her face. She wasn't moving. But this was new... New thoughts... The communicator... still only one light out. Why wasn't this clearer?

"River... Sweetie... What is it?"

"Pa... Pa... Pan... Pan..."

It was as if she was looping... Maybe the neural relay was broken. With my screwdriver I scanned it.

Nothing unusual.

Next came the most selfish act of my nine hundred years. I charged up her communicator.

"Pan... Pan... Pan..."

The light from my screwdriver seemed to burn my skin as it lit up my face. I shouldn't be doing this. It was selfish and... Well... It was wrong. But desperation does a lot of things to a man. Stripping him of all morals and sense was just the tip of the iceberg. The faded light lit up brightly once more.

"River... Try now... What are you saying?"

"Pan... Pan... Pan..."

I sighed loudly in frustration as I flicked my screwdriver out to its full extension.

"Come on..." I breathed as I tried once more to boost the power.

"Pandora... Pandora... Pandora's Box... Pandora's... Box..."

"Pandora's Box..." I repeated, "The Pandorica..."

I backed away from River. I felt as though I'd been hit in the stomach. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I was fixed to the spot... staring at my lifeless wife. Even her consciousness knew exactly what to do.

It was brilliant. The Pandorica. The perfect prison. You couldn't even escape from it by dying. Her consciousness... the last light to go out. And I'd just extended its life. I could get her there. Seal her inside... and then... and then open it. The Pandorica would restore her. I snapped my fingers with a sharp click... The Tardis opened. I pulled her limp body forward from its seat, managed to carry her over my shoulder inside. I set her down near the doorway before closing the doors and rushing to the controls.

If I could get to the Pandorica before it was time for it to open then I would leave the events leading up to the collapse of the old universe unaltered. No one would ever know that the Pandorica had already been used. It's not as if it was doing anything... just sat there... waiting... waiting for the Tardis to travel to that certain point in time. To trap me inside and prevent the destruction of the Universe.

Inside I laughed. I could hear the Dalek's words...

"Only the Doctor can pilot the Tardis..."

How wrong they were. I looked across to River. They had no idea about River... My best kept secret... A second pilot of the Tardis. Releasing the last lever I landed her. Threw open the Tardis doors and...

"Doctor?"

"Oh..." I groaned staring at the Roman Rory, "It's..." I gestured, creating a larger nose with my hand. Wrong time... As usual, "There's not much time... I need to open the Pandorica..."

"But... Doctor..." I turned my back to him and dragged River from the doorway out onto the floor in front of the Pandorica, "I can't let you... You said... You said Amy had to stay there until... until..."

"Yes I know Rory... But it's complicated... And I'm only borrowing it... A day or two it's... Very important..."

"Doctor... that's River... Why is she? ... Is she dead?"

"Rory please!" I cried, "Just be quiet and do as I say!"

I began to take out my screwdriver, turned it in my hand to find the button.

"Doctor I can't let you..."

I aimed at the Pandorica. Managed to press the button. A sharp pain through my stomach stopped me dead. I felt a warm feeling spreading out from that point. My screwdriver fell with a clatter. My hand clutched my stomach tightly. I looked down; it was red and dripping.

Blood.

I gasped and choked, felt the taste of coppery blood in my mouth. Through my blurred vision I saw Rory stood over me, his hand open and the Auton gun pointing straight at me. My legs buckled and I collapsed onto the dusty floor beside River. I reached for her hand, my strength leaving me rapidly. The blood from my fingers stained hers as I held it as tightly as I could.

"I... I'm sorry... Sorry" I gave her hand a weak squeeze.

"Doctor... Doctor... Regenerate..." Rory's voice, "Please regenerate..."

"Can't..." I breathed. I could hardly speak. Couldn't open my eyes "... Not... With... Without... Riv..."

My head fell back against the floor hard.


	10. Chapter 10

"Ummft..." I groaned. What a headache I had. I couldn't move, my wrists were fixed firmly in place. I felt a dead weight upon me. Something... tickled my nose. I managed to open my eyes. Fluffy curls... lots of fluffy curls. Tickling my nose, cheek, ear... River... Her face was pressed against my chest. She was sat in my lap, her legs curled up and draped to one side. I squinted into the light. My eyes struggled to adjust. With a low hum my wrists were released.

"Doctor..." That accent was so familiar, "Welcome back"

"A... Amy...?" The Scottish red head poked her face into mine smiling proudly, "That was good wasn't it? That was pretty good..." I looked down to River. She hadn't moved yet. I put my hand to her shoulder... shook her gently.

"River? ... River..." Her body rose and fell as she sighed softly. I smiled, took hold of her chin and raised head to look at me. After another sigh escaped her; she opened her eyes. I've never been as happy to see her eyes opening. I held her tightly, burying my face in her neck. "I thought... I thought I lost you..." I sobbed.

"Easy Doctor..." Rory's voice came from nowhere. River was lifted from my lap. I lifted myself up out my seat; staggered into the dimmed room. My eyes took a moment to adjust. We were still under Stone Henge. My Tardis... Metres away, stood with its doors proudly open. I turned around, looking straight into the open mouth of the Pandorica. I'd stepped out from _inside_ the Pandorica.

"Amy... Amy Pond" I couldn't believe it. "How? Two people... Inside the Pandorica..."

"I'll explain..." she grinned ushering me to sit on the step of the Pandorica beside River.

* * *

_**2 days earlier**_

_The Doctor lay motionless on the floor. His blood soaked hand tangled with River's._

"_Doctor... Regenerate... You can do this... Regenerate," the Auton begged. He knelt low, rolling the Doctor's head from one side to the other. A loud sound broke the deadly silence. Like a giant key being turned in a lock. The Plastic Centurion rose from his kneeling position his wide eyes fixed on the glowing Pandorica. A blinding light broke through the corner as the sides opened wide. A ruffled looking Amy raised her head to stare sleepily at him. The braces holding her wrists in place automatically opened. She rose unsteadily to her feet, toppling from the Pandorica onto the dusty floor. On her hands and knees she coughed and spluttered. Breathing for the first time since her death._

"_What a night..." she breathed in deeply, "This isn't right... What year is it?"_

"_It's... a bit early..." Rory admitted, "Bit of a... bit of a problem really... Bit... Complicated"_

_Amy looked up. The sight that met her eyes was not a pleasant one._

"_Doctor?" she cried scrambling across the floor to him. She grabbed his face, searching for any sign of life, "Doctor... Doctor... What happened? That's... That's River... Rory... Explain!" she demanded._

"_I... Well..." the Auton stammered. Amy pressed her hand firmly on the Doctor's wound._

"_Rory... Now"_

"_He tried to open it early. He... The plastic... I couldn't stop myself... I ... I killed the Doctor..."_

"_Why would he need to open it early?"_

"_He... He brought River... She... I think he was going to put her inside... She was already dead... I..."_

_Amy lent over River. She put her hand gently on the communicator on the neck of her suit. There were two green lights on it. One just went out. Amy froze as she stared at it. She'd seen this before. She'd watched the Doctor putting that communicator into a screwdriver. Then he'd kept it charged in the Screwdriver Port on the Tardis console. She blinked herself suddenly back into the room. _

"_Rory... Grab the Doctor" the red head cried urgently. _

"_What... Why... But..."_

"_Rory! Grab the Doctor! Hurry up stupid!" Together with Amy holding his feet and Rory holding his arms, they managed to sit the Doctor inside the Pandorica. "And now River..." Amy insisted hurrying back to grab River's legs._

"_But... There's only one seat..."_

"_Rory!"_

_With River carefully propped on the Doctor's lap Amy picked the Screwdriver up from its resting place and pointed it at the Pandorica. She pressed the button down hard. She jumped as the loud sonic sound burst into life. With a rumble loud enough that it shook the ground beneath their feet, the Pandorica closed, with Time Travelling couple safely inside._

_

* * *

_

_

* * *

_

I stared at her in disbelief.

"What made you put both of us inside? How... How did you even think of that?"

She smiled knowingly at me. "Just brilliant I guess"

"It was genius..." River winced putting a hand to her head. The burn marks were gone, though I imagine her headache was far more painful than mine. I put an arm around her. She turned into me, wrapping her arms around my waist, her head buried in my neck.

Amy sidled up beside me, "I _knew_ River was 'Mrs Doctor' from the future," she whispered excitedly, "Didn't I say? Didn't I? I am _so_ good. Aren't I? That's good right?"

I glanced to her. Amy Pond. The most extraordinary girl who ever lived. For years Time Energy had seeped through the crack in her wall. Given her the greatest power of all. The power to bring things back out thin air with just a memory at hand.

"You're brilliant" I grinned at her "But... You still have to go back in the box before anyone notices that it's open" I added firmly.

Her smile faded instantly, "What?"

"Come along Pond. You have a Universe to save in your _own_ time" I kissed River's forehead, making sure she could hold herself upright before I led Amy to the seat in the Pandorica. I took Amy's hand and forced her to sit. "Now. I promise. Everything will be fine... Just relax..." I pressed my palms to each side of her face.

"What are you doing...?"

"Can't have you remembering all this... You need to have this message... for when you wake up"

Amy finally slumped in her seat, unconscious. All memory of this incident was erased. The message was clear and restored for when she awakened. I stepped down. With a wave of my screwdriver I sealed her once more within the prison. I turned now to Rory.

"My... My turn then..." he mumbled.

"I can't work on plastic..." I said calmly. I flicked my screwdriver out. There was one thing I could do for him though. I used it on each of his ears. "You'll be able hear a lot more frequencies now... You may need to rely on those ears one day..."

He looked back at me, with a confused expression that only Rory could produce. I patted him firmly on the shoulder,

"See you in two thousand years"

I took River by the arm and led her into the Tardis. As I closed the door slowly I saw Rory withdrawing his sword and taking his place sat at the side of the Pandorica. I couldn't fault his patience. After the day I'd had. I understood him completely. If it had been River inside that box for two thousand years. I'd have sat and waited too.

I shut the door with a gentle click.

There was only one thing left to do now.


	11. Chapter 11

"What's the plan?"

I turned around. River was leaning against a rail, still nursing her head. I strode over, taking her head in my hands. I looked into her eyes carefully.

"Ahhh," I instructed taking a quick look inside her open mouth, "Ahhh," I continued as I popped a hard headache sweet onto her tongue, "You're going to be fine," I confirmed kissing her forehead gently.

"I tried to get you on the psychic paper" her voice was muffled against my chest as I held onto her tightly. I kissed her hair, pressed my cheek against her head, "You were so young. You were so brilliant Doctor"

"Shhh," I soothed, "You need to rest" With her arms holding me tightly, and her face buried in my neck, I carried her into one of the dorms within the Tardis. Kneeling beside her bed I stroked her hair gently. My face was fixed into a smile. I put my lips to her ear, "River Song... I love you" I whispered.

She was already sound asleep, but I hoped she could hear me. No... I knew she could hear me. As carefully as I could I removed her communicator. I rose up, wiping the tear that had escaped down my cheek. I felt weak; my hearts were beating so fast it hurt. I'd saved her. I'd dreaded this day for so long. When I'd been handcuffed to that beam, staring at her lifeless form, I knew, I had to do something. River wouldn't die, I'd promised myself. And here she was, exhausted... but alive. I flicked the light off before closing the door softly behind me.

Now, time to do some real time travel.

I entered the large walk-in closet. Rows of clothes from every time imaginable lined the walls. Underneath them, boxes and boxes of shoes. Or so it seemed. Striding to the far corner I crouched down, and reached behind the worn boxes there. I took out a small roll kit; I undid the string holding it together and rolled it out on the floor beside me. It held a humble selection of gadgets and 'weapons'. I picked up the 'squareness gun' as I had dubbed it. My eyes danced over it thoughtfully before I set it down again. The object of interest was tucked into a small pocket. I fastened the Vortex Manipulator to my right wrist. Cheap and nasty Time Travel. I had succeeded in giving it up; however, with River asleep I couldn't risk waking her with the overpowering shuddering and groaning from the Tardis. I rolled the kit back up and tucked it away. No doubt sometime in the future River would seek out where my gadgets were hidden and take off to live out the adventures I'd already partaken in with her. I shook my head. Time travel... Such hard work. I tapped in the coordinates lazily and pressed the button down firmly.

* * *

The landing was not as gentle as I would have liked it but... you got what you paid for I suppose. Looking up I was still in the Tardis' closet, the light was now off. I reached back behind the boxes, pulled out the roll kit. Unrolled it as I had just done. There was the Vortex Manipulator. Tucked safely in its pocket.

"Excellent" I whispered. I loved when I did that. Upon tucking the kit safely back in its hiding place I rose to my feet. This would be the biggest challenge.

I peered out into the console room. Not a sound. I hoped I had arrived at a time when the Tardis was not being occupied by myself. So far so good. I reached the console without a problem.

"Now... Where did I put it..."

"Where did you put what?"

I spun around quickly. My hearts had burst into action. The panic showed on my face.

"Amy..."

"I thought you were doing an environment check..." she said narrowing her eyes at me in suspiciousion. Amy Pond was not a girl who could be easily lied to.

"Yes... Well... I need to check some readings..." I pulled the Tardis screen around to examine it. It showed me outside... crouched in the grass examining the soil. I pushed it away hurriedly, "Won't take a minute..."

"Doctor... You're sweating..."

"Am I?" I searched the console for the screwdriver port. Pressed the button, River's screwdriver rose up out of the console. I brought out the communicator from my pocket.

"What's that?"

"It's a... It's a... It's very important. It needs a power supply to keep it alive. The Tardis will do that. It has to be kept alive no matter what" I removed the hatch on the screwdriver and forced the communicator inside. It clipped in perfectly. Excellent.

"Doctor... Where are we?"

I pulled the screen towards me once more. I was now jumping up and down n the spot. Testing the softness of the ground.

"New Earth..." I pushed it away again. Once the hatch was replaced I forced the Screwdriver back into the port.

"You mean that's a planet out there?"

"Of course it's a planet" I frowned.

"You promised me a planet" she beamed at me.

"I _always_ promise you a planet... But you don't get to set foot on one until I check it out first. Now stay in the Tardis. I'll be back in a moment..."

That was the sentence that sealed my fate.


	12. Chapter 12

I inhaled so deeply that my lungs felt as though they were going to burst. Yet exhaling did nothing to relieve the pressure. This quick hop into my past was going to be more trouble than it was worth. It was about to become incredibly complicated. On one hand I had Amy Pond demanding to be shown a planet, to which I had responded with my usual 'Environment check' talk. On the other hand I could not risk leaving the Tardis through the front door because I was already outside. I couldn't allow myself to be seen here. Especially not by myself.

As I clenched my fist the strap of the vortex manipulator tightened around my wrist. The pressure seemed to ease me. I looked down at the Tardis doors. There was a very slim chance I could slip past myself and use the vortex manipulator once out of sight. I turned my head to see Amy staring at me, arms folded in her ever impatient manner. Humans... I'd never understand why they rushed everywhere... Even when they had all the time in the universe. I certainly knew how to pick them didn't I? Comes with the territory I suppose...

I stepped towards the doors of the Tardis, my heavy steps clanked down the slope to the base of the console area. My face screwed into a wince as I grabbed the latch and stepped out into the daylight. There I was, crouched in the grass. It wasn't often I got to see the back of my own head. I reached up to feel the identical locks of thick brown hair on the back of my own head. Brilliant. I shrugged very slightly, ginger was clearly never going to be an option. The door clicked shut with more force than I had intended. I froze with my back pressed against the door. My mouth was suddenly very dry. I stared across at myself. His legs extended as he rose from his crouched position. He paused, looking thoughtful, head cast to one side. He turned. And I waited.

I stared at myself. There was no emotion on his face, no look of shock, no look of confusion. Just a very calm and relaxed stare. He pressed a finger against his lips and expelled a quiet shushing sound before turning back to his exploration of the environment. I shuffled my way around the Tardis, my back pressed firmly against the cool wood as I did so. Once out of sight I activated the vortex manipulator and retraced my journey through the wormhole through which I had came.

* * *

The white light subsided and I was once again in the present day time machine. I grinned stupidly at myself as I tucked the cheap answer to time travel back into its rolled up hiding place.

I clattered down the metal steps to the heart of my trusty companion. River, still in her white suit, was sat, legs outstretched, on the small cushy sofa there.

"Where did you get to?" she asked spying me approaching the controls.

I curled my hand around the cold materialisation lever, "I had to take care of something"

"You've been gone for hours; the Tardis couldn't find you..."

I turned to look into her all knowing eyes. No one knew me better than River; she was the one person who I couldn't lie to if I tried. An involuntary smile broadened across my face, "I had to make sure you'd have your screwdriver in the Library"

"Doctor..."

"River..."

I continued to smile at her. It was hard to believe that she would be lying dead in the Library now if it wasn't for me taking her to the Pandorica.

"What you travel without the Tardis now?" she laughed, "What are you? A Time Lord Machine?"

"A Tardis in the form of a body...? No... There are things River, things that you'll never know... Never understand..." I stood back from the console, tucked my hands in my pockets. An attempt on my part to add a hint of mysticism. A failed attempt of course... This was River Song I was talking to.

She cocked her head to one side, staring fixedly at my cryptic self, "So where did you go and how?"

I sighed in pure exasperation. She wasn't about to let me off the hook for disappearing for so long, "Vortex manipulator... For a quick trip into the past..."

"You were gone for hours... You're becoming _exactly_ like the Tardis..."

"Bigger on the inside...?"

"... Always late..."

I laughed loudly, feeling the soft material of my bow tie as I did, "It's never too late... Never"


End file.
